D"o I have an original thoughtin my head? My bald head.
Maybe if I were happier,my hair wouldn't be falling out.
Life is short. I needto mak e the most of it.
Today is the first dayof the rest of my life.
I'm a walking clich.
I really need to go to the doctorand have my leg check ed.
There's something wrong.A bump.
The dentist called again.I'm way overdue.
If I stopped putting things off,I'd be happier.
All I do is sit on my fat ass.If my ass wasn't fat, I'd be happier.
I wouldn't have to wear these shirtswith the tails out all the time.
Lik e that's fooling anyone.
Fat ass. I should start jogging again.Five miles a day.
Really do it this time.Maybe rock climbing.
I need to turn my life around.
What do I need to do?I need to fall in love.
I need to have a girlfriend.
I need to read more,improve myself.
What if I learned Russian or something?
Or took up an instrument?I could speak Chinese.
I would be the screenwriter whospeaks Chinese. And plays the oboe.
That would be cool.I should get my hair cut short.
Stop trying to fool everyone into thinking I have a full head of hair
How pathetic is that?Just be real. Confident.
Isn't that what women are attracted to?
Men don't have to be attractive.
But that's not true,especially these days.
Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days.
Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence?
Maybe it's my brain chemistry.
Maybe that's what's wrong with me. : bad chemistry.
All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance...
... or some kind of misfiring synapses.
I need to get help for that.
But I'll still be ugly, though.
Nothing's gonna change that.
Shut up!
Let's really try today to solve our camera problem.
Keep between-take timeat an absolute minimum.
These masks are really hot. Okay?
l wanna be very well-heardon that from everybody.
Don't futz unless it's absolutely important to the shot, okay?
l don't say that for me.l say that for the people sitting here...
-Thank you, John.-...in the rubber.
-l like my dress. Okay?-Very good.
So now, folks, you betterheed that advice.
Stand by for picture.
Have her rotate around the tablea little bit further.
Hold on until we're clear.
You. You're in the eyeline.Can you please get off the stage?
Yeah, just bring in the six-footer
What am I doing here?Why did I bother to come here today?
Nobody even seems to know my name.
I've been on this planet for 40 years,and I don't understand a single thing.
Why am I here?How did I get here?
charlie kaufman
